Celebrating Me

Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

Being the good samaritan I am, I’ve decided to share with you some of the most terrifying moments of my life with the purpose of hoping  you guys learn from my mistakes. Please. Don’t thank me.

Okay, these stories not exactly the gruesome gruesome type with all the blood and gore. It’s another type of gruesomeness. Something like fear factor gruesomeness. Read on and you’ll know why. Keep in mind that these are true stories experienced first hand by me.

Here goes…

Story #1

When I was 16, I shifted to Kampar and found a new crave: Oreos! So I bought a packet of Oreos from Watsons and hid it in my room. I didn’t want my humongously huge number of siblings gobbling up my favorite type of cookie. I was really a sucker for Oreos last time and I’d always salivate over it before falling to sleep last time.

After I was certain that my siblings weren’t snooping around my room, I opened up the packet, plopped myself down on the bed, took out a book and munched on an Oreo cookie.

As I ate the cookie, some Oreo crumbs fell on the bed. I picked them up and ate them as they fell. After a few cookies later, I noticed a big piece of cookie crumb on the bed that I had missed out. So in it went into my mouth when suddenly, my tongue registered a peculiar taste from the crumb. It was crunchy alright, but it was quite tasteless and hard. I shrugged and continued munching it.

I spat it out after chewing half of it and to my horror, it was a freaking piece of rat shit!

Even more horrifying, I didn’t mind at all and ate the rest of it in one fell swoop!

Okay, okay, the last sentence was just a joke. ROTFL!!! I didn’t eat the rest of it. I rushed to the sink mentally screaming (I couldn’t scream out loud, if not my siblings would know that I have half a packet of Oreos left), gargled a gazzilion times, promised myself to look at what I put into my mouth the next time and vowed to share my cookies with my siblings (a vow which was broken as soon as it was made).

The moral of the story is rat shits don’t taste that bad. LOL!!! Okay, okay, (serious face) make sure you know how to differentiate between a cookie crumb and a rat shit. That’s the best advice I can give you, so apply it not only to cookie crumbs but to other varieties of crumbs too.

Story #2

This happened when I was 15, a year before the terrifying story above. I was still living in KL at that time. One day, my mom baked my favorite chocolate cake, Crazy Cake. This cake is still one of my favorite cakes today and it’s really easy to make. It’s so damn chocolatey and moist and nice and delicious and sweet and … that’s besides the point.

Anyway, I always have a tendency of bringing food in my room. So I brought a piece (or was it 4 pieces?) of cake up to my room. I opened my maths book and savoured the cake bit by bit. After a while, I was stuffing huge chunks of cake into my mouth, resulting in lots of crumbs falling on the table and on the floor. As usual, everytime big crumbs fell, I’d pick it up and ate it right back.

Now, history repeated itself again (more like the future cuz I’m a year younger than the first story…you know what I mean). From the corner of my eye, I saw a big chunk of cake on the floor. I picked it up and chewed it. You know how cakes are supposed to be moist and soft right? Strange, I thought. Why is this piece crunchy and why does it taste bland?

I spat it out and to my utter delight, alright, to my utter disgust, there lay on my hand a disfigured, maniacally chewed up cockroach! If I remembered correctly, its antennas were still wriggling! Woah! Cool man!

Immeadiately, I hurled it to the floor and this time, I didn’t mentally scream. Instead, I let out a long-drawn out cry.  I didn’t run screaming to the toilet though. After 10 seconds of screaming which shook the whole fat neighbourhood, I just sat there looking at the poor cockroach. *sniff*

Moral of the story is that when I was 16, I clearly didn’t learn my lesson when I was 15. My advice to you is that munching on live cockroaches are bad enough, so don’t go eating rat shits. Thank you.

***

Eh…I tell you something ah. When I was chomping the cockroach, there was no blood wei. Good thing. If I were eating a live hamster or something, than damn it. Actually, the cockroach was quite crunchy. I think if you added some salt and sugar, it’ll taste quite succulent. The exoskeleton of the cockroach can be used to make crackers crunchier ya know. HARHAR…joking la. I despise eating cockroaches in whatever way it’s presented to me. In nerdy terms: I’m pulling your leg!

p.s. I haven’t eaten anything sickening the whole of my 17th year! *so proud*

p.s.s. Please don’t run away from me the next time you see me. Thanks.

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